Beauty of Technology

Are you a photographer? Can you see the beauty in a space? Can you really capture that beauty? Can you capture beauty in a photograph that you cant normally see outside the picture?

recently I was at my great grandmothers. I had stopped by with my Nana to try to get her to come out to the barbecue at my house, and eventually she said yes... but while I was there, I saw something that I would have seen in an art show. I grabbed my iPod--I didn't have my camera with me--and I took as many pictures as I could, but I couldn't quite get it. I didnt understand why! The camera just didnt get the actual feeling that I felt towards this small space.

It was a fake rose in a small vase, but it was the atmosphere that really got me thinking. It made me feel like I wanted to be at my (speaking of the future and my future home) house sipping a cup of hot coco by the fire. The gentle light from the setting sun coming through the drapes.

This picture and feeling got me thinking; you can capture true beauty in a photograph, you can capture the essence of a feeling, but to be there is so much more. And as I look back on my photos I think that I wasnt even close. I'm sure that if I had the right camera I could be a little better, but it was at my moms. Photo shop to the rescue.

before photo shop

and this is a lot more of what i saw... but i can quite get it right....

Easter Sunday

easter sunday...

i dont really know what to say... ive never really been a true christian. but here are a series of events that lead to one of the greatest moments in my life...

1)papa got sick last night and went to bed early. a regular thing but still quite difficult not to break into tears and yell at him for getting old... i love my papa so much that it made me angry that he was using his years up.
2)in the morning (this morning) papa told us that he wasnt going to go to church with us because he was afraid that he was going to get sick again. so he decided to sit at home and read the bible and learn how chocolate was made and how they got eggs from the chickens.
3)papa gave me $10 to give to the church; to put in the dropbox.

4)when we got to church there were so many people... but one stood out the most. she had short brown hair and was wearing a long blue dress that had hawaiian looking flowers down to the floor. she was one of the singers. so when she was singing... she would throw her head back and Worship. she wasnt one of the other girls that seemed to want to just look pretty and sound pretty... she didnt do a solo... she was just there. the most glorious girl in the world. and she was worshiping God and proclaiming it to the world.

5)i read what was up on the big screen....

 ¹ Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. ² So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”³ So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. ⁴ Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. ⁵ He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. ⁶ Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, ⁷ as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen. ⁸ Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. (John 20:1-8)

 the last word was my favorite... shivers down my back. goose bumps on my arms... and even now as i type this... butterflies in my stomach.

At the end of the service, the preacher asked if, during the next song, that if anyone would like to come stand in the front. to pray with him and receive God and be absolved of any and all sins. i sat there and listened to the music. i prayed for papa as best as i could like he asked me to. and i prayed for an answer, a sign as to whether i should stay seated and just believe that i believe... or go up to the front. not 30 seconds later i started crying. tears rolling down my  cheeks like the crocodiles themselves. i hid my face in Spencers arm... but after a couple seconds i realized... that i wasnt crying for papa. i wasnt crying because i was upset about something... i was crying because i was afraid i would miss the chance to stand up in front of everybody and claim my love for Him. i stood up and grabbed Spencers had and took him up to the huge alter where 20+ people had gathered. the preacher threw up his arms and prayed for all of us. i wasnt listening to the words of the prayer though... i was listening to God. i was hearing all that he wanted from me... from us. and i was with the one i love and the family that i loved. i swore to myself and to Him that i would try so much harder to talk to him more often and to be a better person. the time i was up there in my boyfriends arms... it was so powerful! one of the most amazing moments in my life... accepting God into my heart and soul. 

water play

you know what i like about water? how when you throw a stone into it its always going to splash no matter how big. its always going to move the same way its always moved; it can change other things but i cant change itself. its always going to be refreshing when you drink it. that's what i like; that feeling of home when i splash into the water the first swim of the year. i love the rush, the bubbles, how the icy chill of winters past caresses my skin every time... i miss it during the winter and i enjoy every second i can during the summer. the refreshing relief when you've been sitting out on the dock sun tanning.... and when im flying over the beautiful blue... on a jet ski. incredible! you have got to try it. take a deep breath of the summer air and just. be. there. dont let the world control what you see and dont see. if its there its visible... even the light of God; in every sparkle cast by the sun shows Him.

even in my papas eyes. 

i know its been a while...

im sitting in my us history class. todd's bein' a poop and not letting me go into holly's room to finish painting the timeline for his class. but oh well. i can get it done in study lab. but thats not why im blogging....

for my birthday, my aunt and uncle left a pink paper bag on the table... i wish i could have seen them but thats ok. ill get to see them all soon. but in the bag was a really nice sweater. almost exactly the same one im always complimenting aunt lisa on. also a silver necklace with 3 charms, one of which says be brave on one side and love life on the other. and in the bottom of the bag was a book. it was a cream leather... and it had little shells pressed into it. i read the title... and thought of that story about god and that man... the one about how he saw only one pair of footprints? and gods all like, "well thats because i carried you!" thats one of my favorite storries. and i remember telling my aunt about that....
     i tried to thank her when i got it but i had to just leave a message and the rest of the night i was with my friend tina. but since then, ive just felt like i did thank her but i really didnt. and i just wanted to appologize publicly...


aunt Lisa, uncle JD and all the kids between,
im sorry for not thanking you right away. i realize now that it wasnt very kind of me. i really do apreciate the fact that you thought of me on my birthday. thank you for the sweater, necklace and book. i adore them all. 


im wearing this sweater now, its the most comfotable piece of clothing thats ever been on my body and i LOVE it! also the fact that it makes me feel like im as important as my aunt lisa.



I LOVE YOU McElroy's!!!! THANK YOU

my wonderful birthday weekend

so amazing...
incredible...
i have no words to explain how awesome this weekend was.

tomorrow is my birthday and im turning 16... but i didnt get to have my bday party thing until next weekend cause james wanted to have his party on my weekend. not on purpose i hope. but still. its just... annoying! so i went to spencers house. little did i know... there was a surprise party waiting for me at my new favorite restaurant; The Country Boy in Athol. i walked into the room and guess what was there... pilar, buster, and spencers 2 little cousins ready to eat. oh so amazing! i loved it! i almost started crying! i mean, first surprize party ever and i get to spend it with my one and only and his family! how awesome is that!!! pilar got me a wonderful gold necklace shaped like a key but instead of teeth it says 16. and spencer... my spencer got me a silver charm bracelet with a single charm, it was a little silver heart that says 'sweet 16'. then he leaves and im wondering... what is he doing? i was to hug up on him for a while! but when he walks back in the door i see that he has something in his hand... its a little case. he gives it to me and says "here, this is the best part". i take it from him thinking if he got me a nose trimmer.... as i open it i see a flat line and i think if its an iPad ima kick his butt... it wasnt an iPad. it was a laptop. omg my boyfriend bought me a laptop. so exciting!!!!!!

spencer has got me into Minecraft now... fun right? well kinda. i find it interesting and i really want to learn more about it.

the next day i went to Pita Pit for lunch with my family; Mom Dad Michael and Ashley. pitas are awesome lol but i dont think im ever going to eat chicken from a fast food place again... we talked about our new favorite bands and how our favorite band before broke up. we talked about how i can be a n00b sometimes and we talked about our favorite restaurants. all small talk but we laughed a lot and smiled a lot. it was fun. mike and ashley got me a pair of pajamas and mom got me a gold heart necklace.

but when i got home... there was something there... dad told me on the way back that it was his and mine; that if hes not using it then i can. i was instantly curious. we went around the next corner and shadow looked like he had a new blanket on. didnt think anything of it untildad showed me our present. a horse. he got us a horse... omg... so incredible!!!

and here i am now. thankful that i just have my family. i cant wait til i can find the words to explain how much they all mean to me without it seeming like im trying to please them for giving me something... not that thats a bad thing *wink, wink*

horoscope thing

this is really cool:) You are 15 years and 359 days old You were born on Tuesdayon a cold winter’s day You were born: 5838 days ago You were born: 192 months ago You were born: 834 weeks ago Your next birthday is in: 6 days Your Chinese zodiac sign: Pig Your zodiac sign : Aquarius Your element : Air Your planet: Saturn and Uranus Your colour: Midnight blue Your stone: Amethyst Your birth number 2

The meaning of your birth number

You don’t have a natural inclination for decision making. Your calm, peaceful and diplomatic disposition makes you more suited to following than leading. You have a strong sense of intuition and are very patient. You adore a peaceful life and don’t always welcome change with open arms http://www.miniportale.com/horoscope/Date_of_birth/risultatien.asp

to spencer and whoever else cares to know how pissed i am

sitting here with my lonely cuties orange... spencer had to shoot his aunts dog last night because it attacked their miniature horse. now since annie has died i havent wanted to hear about dead dogs... or dead animals... or dead anything, because i always think of the dog ive had since i was 5. when spencer and i were talking last night i had made it clear that i didnt want to know about all of this stuff. but this morning, he decided to tell me details. i dont want to hear about how he had blood all over his arms and how he didnt think the dogs head exploded but it felt like it. and goddamnit i liked that god! i didnt want to hear about how he died! it really pisses me off when i have to listen to things like that! let alone from my boyfriend!

{dirty} food

i write alot about my papa. some people come up to me and ask me why i write so much about him... well its simple. hes interesting and i love him! heres a story to prove it;

we were hangin out. chattin about random things--the weather, what mike was doing, how gail was--then there was a short pause and he starts laughing... he turns to me and says "well,...(he said this like a dramatic word, like hes getting ready for big news, he always does that) i wasnt gonna tell you this before, but i want to." and he stands up. "come here i wanna show you something." i fallowed him into the kitchen and he turns around half way to the sink. he bends down under the burners and pulls out a pot, the kind he uses for his onion-y soup. he looks at me "i cursed a little when i did this," and he turns to the fridge. lifting the pot, he puts it on the fridge, and it clicks in my head. i knew exactly what he was gonna say. so i murmer a 'oh no' and he laughs. smiling at me he demonstrates just exactly what happened.

     my mothers dog is frequently at papas house because she doesnt like to me cooped up all the time. well Bella hasnt learned how to stay off of the counters yet, even though shes about 3 years old; the big baby! but anyway, thats not what my story is about... well because of bella, my papa cant leave anything on the counters. especially food. so he puts the food on the top of the fridge (not a great idea if you ask me). well, papa was getting ready for bed one night and he put the freshly made stew on the fridge. not in it, on it. he went to take his pills and get a nice big glass of water and decided he wanted some orange juice to. he opened the frigde and his soup comes toumbling down. all over the inside of the fridge. he quickly scoops up as much as he can and puts in the a bowl then continues to clean the rest up and throw it away. he has been eating on that spilled soup since then and will continue to do just that. and that is why i love my papa. hes not afraid to eat dog hair and dirt, so long as it tastes like soup.

as i am writing i write my way, not yours

as i was writing the last post, spencer was over my shoulder critisizing my capitalization and grammer. he was even commenting on facts that he thinks are wrong! just so you know, kyle richards isnt on desperate housewives, shes on REAL HOUSEWIVES. sucks that hes wrong doesnt it? and yes she was in some horror films, look them up.

when i write i dotn take the time to capitralize. i dont think its nessesary unless its supposed to be used as a Name but it doesnt look or sound like a name, or when something is important like when i talk about Love or Hate. or even God. not when im just writing. when im typing... the 'w' doesnt look important enough to be a capitol letter. you know its the begining of the sentence because of the period before it so why must i show it again? this is my blog and i can write how i want. and spencer? i really dont appreciate you mocking it! my blog, my words and i can say them how i want to. not even you can tell me how to write. if you want a blog with correct grammer, write your own and stop reading mine.

cheating. tell or not?

hangin out with spencer... listening to the radio... on the way to school... just hangin out. we were listening to an actor... she was in a few movies, horror movies. she was telling us about what her life was like when she watched the movies she was in. but i understand that, i mean, who would be able to watch themselves be chased by a guy with a chainsaw without freaking out. her name is kyle richards. she wrote a book, and in that book she said something about cheating. it turns out that her friend had cheated on her husband, but it was the first and only offence. kyle had told her friend that as long as she didnt do it again, there would be no reason to tell her husband. i agree, as long as you know it was a mistake and have promised yourself and your spouse that it will never happen again i really dont think it would matter if you tell them or not. however, this is not a '1 free pass'! do not think that because i agree with this that i would ever think about cheating on someone i love. but thats what spencer thinks and i worry... not because i think i might cheat but because if i did something like that and told him... i dont think he would feel the same about me. in fact i would think that he would break up with me and forget about me if i did something like that. but does that mean that he doesnt love me enough to give me a second chance? this is why i do believe in the whole, 'did it once but wont do it again so i wont tell' thing, because if you truly believe that you wont do t again... why put yourself and him through that? but its also not fair to cheat... its called cheating for a reason... and it makes me want to cry that i only have one chance, again, not because i migh cheat, but because it seems like he doesnt love me enough to show me that im worth more to him then a kiss on the lips.

and no, i did not cheat, will not cheat, and could never cheat in my lifetime or anybody elses.

riddles for kicks and giggles

now take a genuine stab at these riddles! no cheating!


Riddles;
1) i never was, am always to be. no one ever saw me, nor ever will. and yet i am the confidence of all, to live and breath on this terrestrial ball. what am i?
----
2) if you have only one match and entered a room where there is a kerosene lamp, oil stove, and a wood burning stove. which would you light first?
----
3) some months have 30 days, some have 31--how many have 28?
----
4) if a doctor gave you 3 pills and told you to take one every half-hour, how long would they last?
----
5) a person builds a house with 4 sides, and it's rectangular in shape. each side has a southern exposure. one morning a big bear comes wondering by. what color is the bear?
----
6) how far can a god run into the woods?
----
7) i have in my hand 2 US coins. their total is 55c. one is not a nickel. what are the coins?
----
8) a farmer has 17 sheep. all but 9 died. how many sheep does he have now?
----
9) an archaeologist found some gold coins dated 34BC how old are they?
----
10) is it legal in Nevada for a man to marry his widows sister?

scroll down for the answers...
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ANSWERS;
1) tomorrow
2) the match
3) since when have you heard a month didnt have 28 days? or 2?
4) now im not 100% sure but i think the answer is... he never told you when to start so they would last forever. correct me if im wrong.
5) white. there are no black bears--that ive heard of--at the north pole
6) 1/2 way in and 1/2 way out
7) the other is a nickel
8) 17; he still {has} the dead sheep
9) BC... means Before Christ. how would people {before christ} know that they were BEFORE CHRIST. the coins are fake
10) no, because he is dead

this is my blog

im typing this as im doing homework, a whole new level of multitasking... but i had to say some things. specifically to my Great-Aunt Sandy.... and starting with the introduction;

i love when people comment on my blog... i especially love it when i have a convo about it... there are many posts id love to talk about but so far... my Aunt has been the best one to talk to:) she can say a lot of things but it helps to get it out and it helps even more to get advice from someone i look up to.

now to the actual reason i wanted to bring this up...

Just Being My Aunt
To; Aunt Sandy
Dear Aunt Sandy,
I wanted to Thank you. for being there for me.
I wanted to Thank you for any future Guidance you will give me or the Stories of the Past i enjoy so much.
I wanted to Thank you for speaking of my Boyfriend so highly,
Of making my brain work and Think about what i should do as i get older.
I just wanted to Thank you from the bottom of my Heart, for just Being My Aunt.

Sincerely, your niece Ms. Sarah Rose

today i feel like a real woman

its amazing... how when you are told a comment or paid a compliment, you can either be lift be ifted or dropped...

today i was lifted by a girl i have never met. who knows if she was lying or really telling the truth. but it made me happy. i dont know her name but thank you little angel who has made my day.

"you are really truly pretty..." was all my little angel had to say to make me feel like a woman. now it could have just been the lighting or she could have had to wear glasses and wasnt wearing them then... but it still made me feel great about myself and now i can justify the fact that i do think the world could be a better place if we all told one person that they are beautiful inside and out. 

a poem to spencer

i dont know what it is that You do to me... 

but its Incredible... 

the Feelings that You give me... 

the Smiles that You bring me... 

those Butterflies... 

Romantic excursions. 

the Love i feel for You... 

its Everything to me, its all that i Want, its all that i Need. 

thank you Spencer, for being my Love...

a blog; unplugged reference

i was just in my study lab and i got everything done... was board, so i started reading... but it wasnt my kindle. it was my aunts blog... she always seems to inspire me. her whole family does. i love reading about my cousins... i love reading her "Mother-Ofthe-Year" awards... my favorites are when gage saw his dad across the room an gave him the rock-on sign then proceeded to 'machine-gun' the audience; and my other is when ryan came down the hall towards Aunt Lisa with a bottle of wine from his lunch... but my favorite... i cant even put into my own words... Aunt Lisa put them just so... and its just so... wonderful that when i was reading it for the third or fourth time this month i wanted to cry... just so beautiful;

"Scenario One: "I try to talk to Him, but He doesn't talk back to me"

(this particular conversation between Ryan and my dad took place on an early morning hunt)

"Um, Papa Stevo?" (that's what Ryan calls my dad)
"Yes, Ryan" (and by "yes, Ryan" we all cringe a bit because it's the precursor to a tough question- one we all know he's thought a LOT about so we sort of wait in eerie anticipation)
"Why He doesn't talk to me?"
"Who? Who doesn't talk to you?"
"God. I try to talk to Him and tell him to come down from heaven so I can see Him and He doesn't talk back to me".
"Well...if you want to see God, you just have to look around...like right there (pointing to the rising sun)...see that sunrise? THAT'S God. He's right there."

And so Ryan, taking in what my dad has said to him says in an amazed whisper...

"You can see Him, Papa?"

"Absolutely. And you can see Him too."

Um, Papa?"

"Yes, Ryan"

"Is Olivia standing next to him?""


Olivia is Ryan's older sister... she lived minutes on this planet, but God saw something better for her somewhere else... wherever that may be. every time i read this... i feel those tears, Olivia's younger brothers care enough about her... that they think of her often and considering this conversation... she's in their hearts and minds when they think about Him.

"Scenario Two: "Where does He live?"

"Um, Papa..."

"Yes, Ryan"

"Why God never comes to see me?"

"He can see you all the time"

"Yeah, but why He doesn't come here to live? Why He just lives in heaven and stays there all the time?"

"Well, actually...God lives right there" (my dad taps Ryan on his chest) "He lives right there in your heart".

"Oh...in my heart. Oh yeah, I freegot""

and now do you see why it speaks to my heart?

the beauty of it

friday was our 3 month anniversary, mine and spencers. well before we got out of class i decided to go to his house and later, be dropped off at papas to stay the night. we got in his dads ghetto car and drove off... but we went the wrong way. i didnt know what we were doing but i decided to play tag along and just not ask. but we pulled up to a Chinese restaurant, not a store. i looked at spencer and he said, Happy Anniversary! i remembered then that he was asking me about chinese restaurants a while ago but i didnt know why. well it turns out that he wanted to take me out to dinner! thank you sweetheart! and happy anniversary to you to!

on saturday we went to Don's cabin. but he got a new one and is now trying to sell his old one. well his new cabin was just a garage when he bought it. but now it has walls and a ceiling! thanks to my dad and a few others:) makes me happy to see something coming along like Don's cabin is:)

driving home from Don's, i saw about 30 picture perfect scenes! the first 3 made me think, oh thats pretty. but the 4th one was when i was getting uncomfortable like i usually do on a long car ride... but when i really looked at it it gave me a fuzzy feeling inside and i realized i should be looking at the picture perfect part of every scene. and i did. 1)i was with my dad 2) we werent fighting 3) i wasnt thinking about anything to worry about 4) i was thinking about how beautiful the world could be 5) i was thinking about how much ive fallen for my spencer and how  great it is that we were together for another month anniversary!        have you ever noticed how you can be having the worst say in your life? and not see anything good in the day? well i do... and my new years resolution is to see the beauty in it all. including school work. wish me luck!

getting mad

in my english class we are reading about civil disobedience. and... i dont know if i can stay in this class too much longer without killing someone. preferably the government. not threatening or anything but really? this is so stupid! look at the holocaust, now look at what the government is doing now. obama says that hes not going to use that law that says america is a war zone. the government can basically kidnap anybody they want and never tell the family. they can put you on an island for the rest of your life. the count of monte cristo, how dantes is sent to chateau d'If to spend the rest of his natural life in prison, but the only difference is, nobody is going to get out and find treasure. its just not going to happen. and if it does... 0.0000000000001% of people could actually have the chance let alone realize the chance. and now we cant even go to canada and become a citizen there! its just so stupid! and its really frustrating!

i just want to cry...................................

i came home the other day... from having a great time at spencers house. i was in an ok mood, upset about leaving him but not too bad... i walked in the door thinking i was going to tell gail about my bracelet and single earring that i found by spencers barn that has been missing for a month... but when i got in there i watched them play a game and showed her my talking doll that my mom and dad had bought me (out of pocket money when they didnt have pocket money) for my 6th birthday, then went into the kitchen, my eyes caught something that looked like chocolate and--of course--i looked over. there, sitting in a bowel for every hand and finger to eat... was my chocolate truffles that my nana had sent me for christmas. my favorite candies were sitting there... out in the open, and have been for a while now! in her defense, on the top of the box they did say share... but they were given to me, had my name on them, and i had un-rapped them on christmas morning. just because they said share on them did not mean that anybody could take them whenever they felt like it let alone put them in a bowl for everybody to eat! then i didnt want to talk to gail. i didnt even want to look at her, and definetlly not tell her about my crazy bracelet story. but i did look at her. and i did talk to her. and i dont regret it. cause now i know her a little better. she thought that because it said share, she could just take it and give it to everybody. but no. it was mine and i wanted to save the expensive chocolates for my birthday. i only get them once a year if not that! and i dont even get an apology. makes me feel like crap but i guess i deserved it somehow. but thanks gail, for righting a wrong. helped a bunch.

january 3rd... the first day of the second trimester of school

my new years resolution is to do better in school and keep spencer happy while still being myself. this is gonna be good, so stay tuned.

my new kindle touch that i had gotten from my dad and step mom was freaking out on me this afternoon. the screen wouldn't stop turning on and off and it was starting to freak me out. it was scary and i thought i was gonna start crying when i found out that if i were to ask a question online to a tech person, it would set me back 30$ that i didnt have... yippee!!! but i went with a hunch i had and held the power button for 5 seconds. the screen went white. i presses it again and the number lock code thingy that i have to press the 4 number code into. i held my breath and my heart sank when Ms. Kindle decided that she wasnt ready to wake up from her nap and started blinking slowly again. this was my last chance, i held the button for 1...2...3...4...5... maybe a bit longer?...6...7...8...9...10... and i let go. i set Kindle down on the table as it processed the information. the trademark tree appeared and it loaded my amazon account... thank god for hunches!

i only have 1 class with spencer, EXCITING!!! and im not even joking! the past 2 trimesters ive been at this school... i havent had any classes with him, but now i have one and its study hall :) so excited! i enjoy listening to him and his friends talk... even if it is about architecture... <3

though i cant say what i want to say because i cant even start to put it into words... what i can say is that im getting tired of the same thing over and over again. gails house used to be my favorite place to be but... now its becoming more and more like a prison. everything has to be done to perfection and if its not, you have to do it again. i mean i get it. i get that things need to be done. but we have got to have fun to! i cant go from having fun with spencer and laughing at his little cousins when they amuse us... to "you cant do this, you cant do that". everything is so uptight there... when i go to spencers house... well when i just hanging out with spencer and not planning anything with his mom... it can go from the most fun that ive ever had to a painful expirience within seconds, id rather have that then a "do this, do that, theres a good reason" type of thing. i mean, dont get me wrong, i do adore gail and her kids can be fun sometimes... but there is a point where i just cant be in a rut! and at her house its just one big rut... and i end up feeling like i should be in a hole, sitting there doing nothing instead of trying to be happy.
ive been wanting an appointment with my doctor to update my depression pills. it feels like im going into that same thing that i was in just before i started the pills... not good. wish me luck!

but in the mean time, i will spend as much time doing things that make me happy and stay away from the things that dont. this should get good...