and this is where the nightmare comes in...

my great grandfather is my favorite person in the world... in fact, i had a dream the other night,

     i was standing there alone, and slowly things started to make sense to me... i was at my papas. everything was covered in all different colors of roses... it was beautiful, the most perfect thing ive ever seen. there were rows of seats... white lawn chairs. and i started noticing people i love in those chairs. mom and dad, gail and her kids. my brother and sister were standing in the front, looking all grown up. Ashley had on a beautiful cream colored dress, with groups of roses strategically places in her upper right torso to her left ankle. it was beautiful. Michael was on the other side of the aisle--and as i thought this i noticed that there really was an isle--with a cream colored tux on, but no jacket. he had one red rose over his heart. (i believe that means that your mother is alive, does it not? cause if it doesnt... something was a little wrong... white means shes dead so i think red is a good sign?) there were 2 men standing on either side of me, my great grandfather and my dad. the 2 most important men in my life. it felt right to me, like this was how it was supposed to be. then the music started; the wedding march by Mendelssohn... it was beautiful.

and now heres the nightmare part,
my great grandfather has been thinking about who will get his property when he dies... i hear rumers that if it goes to this person... they are going to sell it. and if it goes to this person, we wont be aloud there. every since i was a little girl ive dreamed of getting married on that property with both my favored men beside me (the aisle will have to be extra big hehe).

in my dream that night, it was like breaking a mirror, and as i took the first step toward my new life with this masked man at the alter... it all broke and i fell...

(p.s. please dont ask who the man at the alter was cause i honestly didnt see his face. that goes to you to aunt lisa!)

weekend before christmas

we went to my nanas house this weekend... to see the Living Nativity... it was great... but that one wasnt my favorite.

the night we got to nanas she had fresh cookies in the oven. the smell of nanas house always makes me feel at home... but when there are fresh cookies... MMM!!!!! makes me love it even more!!

there was a 3 phase plan we had to fallow;
1) open the presents. they were all in square boxes, the same size.
2)play a game while our presents charged. we had all gotten a remote control helicopter.
3) all the helicopters in the air and nana would bring in a bottle of wine with 2 crystal glasses to say congratz to my dad and gail for getting married

by the way, gail and dad got married.

at the nativity, half of the play was inside, they always have brought horses and donkeys through on the stage and its always just so cool. when we went outside for the second half of the play, clayton (my second oldest cousin) had hugged the wrong man thinking he was his dad. it was so cute. but he started crying and it got sad... but he found his daddy:) (and dont worry clayton, i did the same thing once or twice)

on the way back, dad dropped me off at spencers house<3. it was about midnight when i got there. i just snuck in and spencer had lain with me until i fell alseep. i love falling asleep with him there, makes me feel protected... like when i used to sleep in my parents bed...

spencer helped with his aunts play the next day. it was a little nativity all their own... so cute!

then later that night, we had gone to his church for a play. that was really good... and i think it touched me a little more then the others, it was more heartfelt, and really cute:)

dad hadnt answered his phone at all and i didnt want to make Pilar (spencers mother) drive me in if my dad was going to pick me up. but it was about 9:30pm before he finally replied and i got to stay another night:) but when he tried to put me to sleep again... he fell asleep all his own... and Pilar came in at 4am and found him. for the record, i dont remember any of this and spencer keeps saying that there was a lot of yelling... personally i think that he jsut fell asleep with me for a while then went out onto the couch all his own.

that morning i had to go home... but spencer cane with me:) but he fell asleep on the couch and started snoring... it was funny:)

when i was doing the stuff i just wrote about, i had planned out a few more things and i wish i had gotten to a computer before this. but i didnt and this is the best i could do. thank you of reading along!

sleeping together

spencer stayed the night at my house the other day.... first night he actually stayed. and when i was saying goodnight to him... my dad came in and spoke to him...

"you know, Gail had a good point... she said that i should stress the fact that i had a loaded gun under my bed..." then there was a pause and i swear there was fear from spencers eyes to his toes... it. was. priceless!!!! so great! of course when i was saying goodnight to my dad... smacked him over the head *smiley face* but of course, gail didnt actually say that.


though i think spencer still believes him...
                                                                   and i wouldnt put it past my dad either

funeral for the worst but a promise kept for now

today was my Great Grandfathers best friends birthday. i went along to support my grandpa, to make him feel better. after the service, me and my Grandpa (the one from Oregon) went to get my Nana at her mothers house. but what he said to me as we left... "well, that's about what papas funeral is going to look like". it got to me and i couldn't stop crying the rest of the day. i cant think about life without him... without his love and generosity. without him to hug when i'm feeling upset. hes always been there for me and as i watch all these people that i knew when i was young, friends of my grandfathers, slowly die off... i want to scream and cry and kick things... i don't want my great grandfather to die, i don't want to loose the person i love and look up to the most in this life. i would do anything for him. [cuss word] i would step in front of a bullet for him. at the reception thing, after we went to the grave, we stayed most of the time, had lunch. but papa wasnt there. none of us could figure out why he wouldnt be there. so dad and grandpa went to look for him. we thought maybe he got in an accident.. or had a heart attack (God forbid both) but when i called my dad from the reception thing, he just found him and he had been going in the opposite direction from where he was supposed to be. we thought he might have gotten comfused or something. but when we got to him, he had just been at Bill's (his now passed friend) wifes house for a different reception thing. for a few minutes my heart had beaten so fast that i thought it might beat its way up through my mouth... i thought that maybe alzheimer's was taking root... maybe i wouldnt have my great grandfather for much longer... but when i found out the reason... my heart swelled and i was about to pass out because i was so relieved. i cant wait to see my papa next... and the time after that and the time after that... forever. when i was younger he had promised to stay alive for my wedding... i have a feeling that he might just keep that promise...

katchup

the Dance 2 Fridays past... was INCREDIBLE! i actually danced and it felt amazing. Spencer and i danced together and his friends taught us how to Swing Dance... though he isn't lifting my over his head and swinging me from side to side... he and i got the spinning and dipping part together :) after the dance, his dad came to get us to take me home.

the next morning, my step-mother, Gail, and i went to pick Spencer up and she took us to his grandpas house in Athol. later that night, we walked to his Aunts house for an Autumn Party. we ate dinner, then had a... church thing where Spencer's Uncle read from the Bible. we carved pumpkins and had a pinata. it took 4 rounds of 8 people to break it open and when all the candy fell out... it was all powder. it was GREAT!

church 2 Sundays ago, last Sunday. it was okay. i must say that it was a little odd but i did like it for the most part. the only thing that i thought was weird was when we got down on our knees and prayed. but it was good. i had to wear a skirt and i did like that. Spencer said that he liked me in skirts, not because of something... er... sexual. but because that's how he was brought up. it would have been better if we didn't have to get down on our knees. i have nothing against it but i feel like that's not... ladylike. i was raised to stay off the floor, and then they are asking us to get on our knees to pray... that's for just before bedtime.

then that Monday... it was Halloween, i asked my family friend Dan, Bashful Dan on 102.3 fm radio, to go Trick or Treating with me. we were Hanging Out... he wasn't Chaperoning us! anyway... i managed to get a lot of candy that i lost within 2 days. i had a great time with Dan and i really hope to do that again. hes like a dad to me and i wish i could do something for him to show him that i really do love him! he's like... my best friend

last Thursday, we went to Memorial Park, waiting for his mother and my papa. we played on the swings and went down the slides, then i screamed when a spider dropped down in front of me. Spencer grabbed it and chased me around the park. he caught up to me... attempted to spin me around by pushing my shoulder. he failed. i spun around, slid on the semi wet grass, hit my shoulder on his knee, hit my head on his knee, hit my shoulder on the ground and finally hit my head on the ground. i had a headache for 3 days. and i now have a bump on my head. but after i stopped feeling dizzy, we walked over to the ticket booth of the football field. just before we sat down i reached for my earrings like i always do... and one is missing... i took the other one out and showed him. he guess what was wrong right away... but there was nothing he could do. (or so i thought) so i sighed and dropped the one earring. i stepped on it as i walked by. Spencer didn't fallow me as i sat down on the concrete. eh picked up the earring before he kinda... turned in a circle, before coming to sit by me. a time passed, then my Papa pulled up. we both stood up and he turned around saying "hold on, don't move". he turns around again to face me with both hands out and he asks, "what would you really like to see in my hands right now?" i shook my head and he shows me both of my earrings. i had asked him how he found it... he replied with "its just romance babe". i continue to say that i have the best Boyfriend in the World...

this last Friday, i had brought some tea from home. i had cooking class so i set my cup down on the counter to wash my hands and put on an apron. i come back and its gone... the cup had mysteriously jumped to the other counter and was now empty. i was sad. the tea actually tasted good! then after class i see Spencer. he comes up to me and guess what he pulls out of his backpack... A TEA! but not just a tea... it was my FAVORITE tea!!! it made me so happy! except when i had to pee 20 times that day... i was a big TEA...

yesterday was our 1 month anniversary. isn't it exciting? he had me come over to his house for dinner... when we got there, we watched tv for about 3 minutes then the Steaks were done... we went to sit down and as we walked around the corner to the table... candles lit the table. we had Steak, Baked Potato and Carrots with Green Beans... it was Super Good!!! i had so much fun! (Happy Anniversary Sweetheart!!)

so my friend Liz ran away from home on Thursday. she didn't come to school. but she showed up today and took off again. at least shes still alive but with the activities that shes doing... that might change a little to soon.

Come home Liz, you've got people who love you. Stop making the wrong decisions. You need to grow up and deal with all that your going through like the adult that you think you are. Please, Liz, your family is worried.

sorry

i will have pics of the friday night dance up later and tell you all about my weekend and monday night later... when im aloud to get on the computer... stupid grades!

dreamer

i had a dream the other night... it started like this;

my dad had made me move into papa bobs house with my mom. well me and her didn't get along well so i decided to leave. 2 other people were with me, but the 2 people kept changing. Michael and Ashley, my boyfriend and my best friend, people that i had made up and different family members. and the changes happened throughout the dream, so keep that in mind. me and these 2 people were getting things ready, putting everything into a big suitcase; food, clothes, valuables, and blankets. i walked down into the basement. instead of 1 set of stairs there were 2; one was really scary looking and i didn't want to go that way, and the other was only semi scary looking. i could see all the way to the bottom of one though the end result of both were the same. i decided to take the less scary looking stairs with only a few spiders and a few snakes. when i got down there, there was a doll that i wanted to take but i kept feeling like it wasn't supposed to look like that, like it was supposed to be breathing. but i didn't touch it, i was interrupted by my papa who was walking up and down the stairs. i was stuck in a slow motion kind of haze as i was watching my great grandfather go up and down the 'super scary' stairs. i stared at them and thought, 'if papa can go up those stairs then why cant i?'. i realize now that the answer to that question is that he was in a war and i wasn't, but oh well. i went through the now deep and dark entrance to the stairs that were strategically placed under the 'not-so-scary-stairs. it took a little bit but i was finally through and i was amazed by what i saw. the colors were vibrant (and this was the most realistic dream i can remember) blues and greens; reds and purples. it was like being under the sea with the sun shining... it was my Atlantis! the stairs were like walking in Sea World (even though i haven't been, that's what i would imagine it would be like) leading up to the top of the 'not so scary stairs'

if there is anybody out there who could have an idea of what this dream could mean, please tell me because i really want to know why i felt like it was a prediction of the future.

doesnt this picture look awesome!?

i had to do something... and com'om it looks awesome doesnt it!

notice it all...

and the only thing thats missing is the dog... and the blood... and the riffle... and... well this is how he walked in the door so he wouldnt have everything with him!!!

BED TIME!

and this is my bed... and my teddy bear, Cookie... yes he is wearing a dress

my bed is made of 2 matresses and a box matress. and it is the most comfortable thing i have ever owned

trading

funny thing is that this is the book case that i wanted to trade my mom... i had told her that it had 4-5 shelves... i feel bad now cause it actualy only has 3. oh well. ill tell her before she decides...:)

from spencer

both the lamp and the night light (the thing on the table with all the teddy bears and all) are from spencer... so thanks Spence!

shush naomi!

she wouldnt stop talking... yeah i know... hehehe

apples

this is what my morning consisted of... waiting for my boyfriend, i had helped naomi pick apples in out front yard

piano magic

my favorite picture in my room is now above my piano so i can feel more... moved when i play.

hunting (warning; the fallowing pictures are graphic)

 doesnt that house just look creapy?

 then after this beautiful sunset there was a thunderstorm... in OCTOBER!!!

now does that mean its gonna be cold or hot tomorrow?

 more sunset

 this is what i brought in from the truck when my dad got home from hunting (all unloaded and saftey-fied)

 and this is what my dad looked like when he came home from hunting... MOUNTAIN MAN!!!

 this is what we got from hunting...
Miss Naomi  helped cut the poor thing up...

Dego is doing better. He's my sisters horse and he has been sick

and the wood brought home between the weeks... "no basketball till its done!"

Links

i had forgotten my favorite sweater at Spencer's (my boyfriend) house (which was originally his sweater) and he had brought it back to me today. in the pocket there was a glove that matches the other glove that goes with a night light that he had given me and something wrapped in paper. i unwrapped it and voila(!) an old chain. i didn't understand so i emailed Spencer. his reply was;

"Its just a chain to show our links, they are connected."


HOW SWEET IS THAT??? i have the BEST boyfriend ever...

My "hoarder" Boyfriend

while i was helping Spencer (my boyfriend) move to Athol from Sandpoint, i was given a series of items ranging from his grandmothers nightlight that he grew up looking at to a round table that he and his grandpa made. anything that his mother didn't want in their house was offered to me by Spencer. i do think that he will become one of those hoarders and be on that one TV show that shows all these crazy people that sleep on rotten bananas and broken lamps because they cant get rid of anything. though i think that i might be like that also... unless i live by a goodwill and they take everything i have... my room will be immaculately designed and full... with the help of my dearest Spencer:)

New Years Goal (early edition)

i was reminded by a junior today of a man i used to know. he looks like him, he talks like him, and i thought that there was nobody like him... until i came to this school. its weird, you see, because i used to play with this man and his sister at my house, i used to paint with them and jump on the trampoline. but now i don't talk to either of them. because one is dead. Sebastian had committed suicide in the back yard about 4 years ago. nobody knows why. and this junior that reminds me of him looks like him, talks like him, and can even do that certain German accent that Sebastian used to have. i cant imagine why he would have done that. now, when i look at logan (the reminder) i see a smart kid that has his head on tight... but thats what i saw with sebastian also... so my point is, you dont really know when somebody is going to do something like that... so my goal for the new year is to help anybody i can to smile.

fallow up from puppy eyes

annie is doing better. she isnt yelping as much and shes wagging her tail a lot more. i took a piece of pizza to my room to eat and she was all over me, drooling and wagging her tail every time i looked at her. where, 2 nights ago, she wouldnt even open her eyes when i came in the door with a sandwich.

moving too fast

doesnt the title just say it all?

moving too fast in life basically means that im growing up to fast or saying "i love you" when im not even sure i mean it yet. my life cant be slow enough because.

"love isnt about finding someone perfect to marry. love is about seeing through to the truth of a person and accepting all their shades of light and dark. love is an ability"~tempt me at twilight, by lisa kleypas.

puppy eyes

she looked up at me with eyes that begged for the pain to subside. the shaking wouldnt stop and she whimpered all night. im praying (which i never really pray) that its not hip displaysia but i fear it may have happened to my dear sad puppy. annie may, my sweet baby girl, is in pain, laying on my floor shaking and wining. i only have to look into her eyes to see how much pain she is in. i worry about her even now, maybe having to put her down to rid the pain. i dont know what i would do without that cat-mocking dog...

FINALLY!

finally he asks me out... but in a... non romantic way. at lunch, standing by the door, he looked at me briefly ready to say something... then closed his mouth again and looked away. a minute passed and he eventually blurts out 'lets make it official' and i say "sure, i mean yes" i mean how stupid is that???

"darn it, you"

its funny how just a

"darn it, you"

can make my heart swell. no cuss words, just a meaning that only him and i know... the secret language that 2 people can make without even knowing it. it makes me wonder what great things could be accomplished with just a  "darn it, you" and a little giggle. we'll see where it goes eventually but until then, i'm just enjoying being around him, not having to pretend that i'm something i'm not, just smiling and being happy. but only with him do i not have drama, not have to worry about what my dad might think if i'm caught laughing with him in the park. and i especially some have to worry about what he would think if our friendship turned to something more because, this man/boy is a great guy; obedient towards his parents and mindful of the truth. he is one of the strongest men i know, both inside and out. it breaks my heart to hear that people used to tease him because they aren't as tall as him... i know that it gets to him in some ways but for him to not show it... i can hear my heart breaking in 2.

elk camp. part 1; lessons learned

we went to elk camp this weekend, dad, his friend Don, my brother Michael, and me. it was interesting but still kinda boring... we got there Saturday night and set up a quick camp. in the morning we set it up so that the camper was blocking the wind and we could set up the huge tarps above us. but that hasn't gone up yet. we then proceed to cut down trees for wood and stack it in the back of Don's truck (thank god he brought his permit this time). after we got wood we went back to camp and packed up. then my brother says... "lets go for a 4wheeler ride!" and off we go. up and down hills, left and right corners... then we get to a steep hill. i'm on the back of Don's 4wheeler, and he is in a wheel chair (he has been since he was 16). we went up the hill just fine but the road itself was in the shape of a "u". only with less steep sides. so it was a flattened "u". *smiles* Michael and dad are both on their own 4wheeler and they both make it up the side perfectly fine. but me and don... that's another story. we turned to go up and with the extra weight was was on the back (me) and the fact that we were both leaning back... well we fell over backwards. heels over head. Don had managed to push the 4wheeler to the side so it wouldn't crush us but even if it did fall back, the road was curved enough that we would just fall into the nice soft dirt with the 4wheeler over us. dad came running when he heard m squeal. but we were both fine. after Don got back on the 4wheeler, it was a simple matter of turning it so that it was back on all 4 tires. dad, of course, helped with that. i got back on and road back to camp with him. it was an experience that i will never forget, not because it was scary, but because its the lessons learned from the it. for example, even though Don was in a wheel chair, he doesn't know everything about weight and leverage. or at least not as much as we both know now. and then there is next weekend, the weekend before elk season starts. this is going to be fun...

camping

well, on Saturday my dad decided that we were going to go camping. we were going to get wood for the winter and camp while doing it. we could get more wood when we didn't have to worry about gas and getting up and down the mountain in the morning and in the afternoon, and beside that... Gail wouldn't have to worry about her make up while camping cause you know... that's what you do when your camping.
     Don, my dads best friend, came with his kids; Katrina who is 6, Jon and Marisa who are both about 4. they are the cutest kids you could ever camp with. Katrina is adorable, she is just the most perfect kid anybody could have. shes quiet but not shy, she is always doing something for you, and she is respectful. she helps her younger brother and sister and making sure they are ok.
     on the first night, my dad was busy pulling a tree out of the brush so he could cut it. my brother was taking a chain to him and he had it hanging off of the 4-wheeler. i was rockin' out to my iPod (i forgot what song but it was great!), and when i saw the chain i thought it would make Don's kids laugh if i started chasing it. staying away from it (because last time i tripped over it), i looked at the kids and laughed with them. but when i turned back... the 4-wheeler had stopped and CRACK! my foot landed on 3 chain links. if you touch your pointer finger to your little finger , that s about what my foot did. it feel backwards and i almost started crying cause it just hurt sooo much! about 5 minutes later i could actually stand on it and i sat in the truck for a while. and as a reminder, this happened on Saturday night. it is not Monday morning and it still hurts pretty fudge'in bad!
    overall i had a pretty good weekend. now school... just great!

p.s.
     don't you just hate it when you think about what your going to write then you forget it when you have a computer??? UGH!!! well ill figure it out sooner or later.

first day

my first day as a sophomore in the charter school was about a 8.5 on a 1-10 level (1 being the lowest), and this was because;

1) my friend liz from 3rd grade shows up at the school--though not in town; shes been in town for a while now--and helps me make friends. she pulls a deck of cards out of god-only-knows-where and we start playing a game called "lies". we start with a few people, then 4... 5... then 9! so now i know 9 more people then i did before and they know me. well at least i know i wont be left behind like last year. you see, i had forgotten the way to make friends so when liz started that card game i saw how to make friends again. now im excited.

2) my friend spencer was excited to see me even though ive been avoiding him along with a few other people because i didnt want to seem like i was trying to lead him on. though i do kinda like the kid... and the whole reason for avoiding him and the others was because of Levi. we had set up a date that has yet to come.

3) because i finally know what the teachers think of me. mary loves me, jenniffer doesnt really like me, mr fin likes me, molly seems annoyed by me, and norm was happy to see me... what a difference it is to go another year and start in the begining of the year. i feel like i know what im doing though thats basically my best guess...

the reasons i didnt like it was:

1) i got a headache in 4th hour during julie's biology class.

2) i also got bus sick and had to move to the front of the bus which was majorly embarasing, though when i went up, the guy that i was talking to also moved up... i think he thinks he was gonna get me to really talk to him... too bad i had a stomach ache cause now i feel bad for not talking to him. poor kid probably doesnt get many girls to talk to him...

cant wait for my second first day!

the "pretty girl" things

i spent the night at my nanas house tonight(my last night in a hot paradice) just because i could. uncle jd and aunt lisa came with the puppy. (seems like its off topic but stay with me; ) i had just bought these 2 pairs of shoes. one pair grey and one pair yellow... the yellow pair are my favorite. well i was wearing my favorite yellow pair today, just just for a second, to marvle in their cuteness, and i decided to go outside to see the puppy. after standing in the grass for half a second i thought that i should change my shoes to something less... girly for wearing outside. i was on my way inside and i looked down, and caught in my reverie about how much i love these shoes... BAM! my head hits the door frame. OUCH! and it wasnt just a hit like a little tap... my head STILL hurts after about a half an hour, hello bumpo! yay! now looking back at it i think about ow many other people would be looking at their super cute shoes and hit a wall. not even a pretty girl! (you know, those rich girls that always have a dog in one hand, a cellphone in the other and a chauffeur carrying all the shopping bags, in which are all the great designers newest shoes and hats. materials are starting to get to me and i cant wait to let it go...

yesterday, i had my hair cut. it looks cute except for the bangs.. i think they are just too short... but im keeping in mind that it takes about 5 days to be used to a new hair cut. so i think i wil "grow into it". today, i was doing my hair with nana and she always puts some cuncoction of all this B&B stuff into my hair making it feel hard and yukky. i like to mess with my hair but i dont like to when its really hard and untouchable. but after the flat iron go to me... actualy looks pretty good. it reminds me of the little sister, alice, off of twilight. it looks good on me. bad thing is that it wasnt my flat iron, it was nana's and i cant take it home... to cute hair for me anymore! joy!

i put on my makeup;
1)foundation, 2 kinds, a darker color and a litghter color so i look like me.
2)a black eye liner only on my waterline
3)sometimes a green eyeliner just to give my eyes a pop.
4)then a mascara.
5)smile and walk away :D
but when i watched my nana put on her makeup... its like a whole new thing... though i cant put all the details in here i can say how many steps there are... 8. including all the colors she uses. 8 steps and it goes from a to be, which arent very far apart. i would want to have her without that much makeup... she doesnt have blemishes... so it doesnt make much sence to put so much makeup on...

a happy family

as i sit here listening to all the sounds of a happy family i think... when is my family going to be like this one? when are we going to get along and be HAPPY? well i know we are happy as different people but as a whole... i dont think that we could ever live as a family. me, my brother and sister are ready to become a family but the other people... the other kids... the other side of this army isnt ready to accept us into their life, granted my brother and sister and i havent reacted well to a lot of things. my sister steals, and my brother is a "mamas boy", but me... im just stubborn. you cant get me to do anything i dont want to unless you really talk me into it or force me. and thats where we get stuck.

a book called... "The Help"

i am reading the help (by someone who wrote the help), its been made into a movie recently. well aunt lisa had my grandpa buy it for me and here i am... reading it. some pages i can just put down and forget about... but some... i just have to read until i know whats happening. but there are those few pages that i just want to start crying right there. the detail the author put into the characters... remarkable! i mean come on, anybody could write a book about how bad it was when racism was life, but in the help it gets deep, i can almost hear the quiet sobs of the women and tired sighs of the men that have come home from work. the author also describes what the white women were thinking and what they thought of the black women. there was no other job for women other then serving white people and raising their babies. there was just serving and "yes ma'am"'s. to anybody who is reading this right now, the help is a powerful book and even if you have seen the movie... well lets just say that there is no movie other then the titanic that can show you how much fear and love there really is, only words can begin to compare the emotions. i highly recommend a book called...
                           "The Help"

strawberry milk blues

strawberry milk is one of my favorite drinks but when (notice i say when and not if...) i drink too much i get a tummy ache and my tummy feels like its a full glass of milk. sitting down to type i wonder if i should have left that last swallow on the counter so i wouldn't feel like if i move to fast, i might spill!

my great grandpa is the greatest. its all in his name, he is the sweetest, kindest, most respected man there is. he would make a great president. agape (agapay) is gods kind of love. there are levels of love and agape is the highest, its unconditional. thats almost the kind of love papa has inside him... though he gets grumpy sometimes... :) but he is my grandpa and there is nobody i would ever want to trade him for. hes the light in my eyes and my favorite male in the family... aunt lisa is another story...

papa lives on pend oreille lake in north idaho. the most beautiful lake in northern idaho... he built the house himself about 50 years ago and its my favorite place to be. my dad had built a giant swing in the back yard when i was about six. i mean this swing is HUGE! and its not like a normal swing... it doesnt go back and forth. it goes around and around.... its so cool!

puppy tears

my aunt lisa just got a new puppy. his name is copper... or cooper if they decide otherwise... but anyway! im allergic to cats... but i love them... but every time i want to cuddle them, my throat tightens and i sneeze (a lot). out of my wits that my aunt lisa just got a ited out of my wits that my aunt lisa just got a excited out of my wits that my aunt lisa just got a puppy, i spend most of my time nuzzling and cuddling this cute little fur ball. though i wont have him for much longer, because i will be going back to idaho... back to school >:O. so ive come to the conslution that i will BEG my dad for a puppy... and let him train it ;)

my ex boyfriend, jesse, has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks... ever since he said he was going to change. by changing he would;
1) turn himself into the police for all of those times he was at parties and outran them.
2) go back to highschool then eventually to college
3) be 100% true to his girlfriend and tell (not ask!) her dad that hes gonna marry his daughter. this last one had me on edge. even though i dont believe him, he still said it. and some STUPID part of me thought that he might actually try something like that. my dad hates jesse with a passion. im not aloud to talk to him anymore. but jesse always finds a way around parents. we have known each other for about 2 years now and every time he says

i love you

it kinda sticks. and i end up dreaming about the @$$hole every night. my clossest friends say i should just forget about him, but when he was my first kiss... its kinda hard.

my first blog.

Hey there, Everybody! My name is Sarah Rose. From the title you probably know what i'm gonna say next... THIS IS MY FIRST BLOG!

Throughout this blog i will tell you about how what a life is like for a teenager of not-even-16-yet can live through 8 step-siblings. Just yesterday my dad called me up from the top of ROMAN NOSE, a mountain that looks like a "roman nose" in Idaho(who would have thought?), and told my that he just asked Gail to marry him. I am still trying to get used to the idea of them getting married. i mean, we have all been just WAITING for it! but we have been waiting for so long that its hard to believe that its finally happened... though the actual wedding is completely different. Today, dad called me again and he told me that the kids (meaning me, my brother and sister, and all of the other kids that belong to Gail) get to choose where they get married. Yep, this is gonna be fun...