dreamer

i had a dream the other night... it started like this;

my dad had made me move into papa bobs house with my mom. well me and her didn't get along well so i decided to leave. 2 other people were with me, but the 2 people kept changing. Michael and Ashley, my boyfriend and my best friend, people that i had made up and different family members. and the changes happened throughout the dream, so keep that in mind. me and these 2 people were getting things ready, putting everything into a big suitcase; food, clothes, valuables, and blankets. i walked down into the basement. instead of 1 set of stairs there were 2; one was really scary looking and i didn't want to go that way, and the other was only semi scary looking. i could see all the way to the bottom of one though the end result of both were the same. i decided to take the less scary looking stairs with only a few spiders and a few snakes. when i got down there, there was a doll that i wanted to take but i kept feeling like it wasn't supposed to look like that, like it was supposed to be breathing. but i didn't touch it, i was interrupted by my papa who was walking up and down the stairs. i was stuck in a slow motion kind of haze as i was watching my great grandfather go up and down the 'super scary' stairs. i stared at them and thought, 'if papa can go up those stairs then why cant i?'. i realize now that the answer to that question is that he was in a war and i wasn't, but oh well. i went through the now deep and dark entrance to the stairs that were strategically placed under the 'not-so-scary-stairs. it took a little bit but i was finally through and i was amazed by what i saw. the colors were vibrant (and this was the most realistic dream i can remember) blues and greens; reds and purples. it was like being under the sea with the sun shining... it was my Atlantis! the stairs were like walking in Sea World (even though i haven't been, that's what i would imagine it would be like) leading up to the top of the 'not so scary stairs'

if there is anybody out there who could have an idea of what this dream could mean, please tell me because i really want to know why i felt like it was a prediction of the future.

doesnt this picture look awesome!?

i had to do something... and com'om it looks awesome doesnt it!

notice it all...

and the only thing thats missing is the dog... and the blood... and the riffle... and... well this is how he walked in the door so he wouldnt have everything with him!!!

BED TIME!

and this is my bed... and my teddy bear, Cookie... yes he is wearing a dress

my bed is made of 2 matresses and a box matress. and it is the most comfortable thing i have ever owned

trading

funny thing is that this is the book case that i wanted to trade my mom... i had told her that it had 4-5 shelves... i feel bad now cause it actualy only has 3. oh well. ill tell her before she decides...:)

from spencer

both the lamp and the night light (the thing on the table with all the teddy bears and all) are from spencer... so thanks Spence!

shush naomi!

she wouldnt stop talking... yeah i know... hehehe

apples

this is what my morning consisted of... waiting for my boyfriend, i had helped naomi pick apples in out front yard

piano magic

my favorite picture in my room is now above my piano so i can feel more... moved when i play.

hunting (warning; the fallowing pictures are graphic)

 doesnt that house just look creapy?

 then after this beautiful sunset there was a thunderstorm... in OCTOBER!!!

now does that mean its gonna be cold or hot tomorrow?

 more sunset

 this is what i brought in from the truck when my dad got home from hunting (all unloaded and saftey-fied)

 and this is what my dad looked like when he came home from hunting... MOUNTAIN MAN!!!

 this is what we got from hunting...
Miss Naomi  helped cut the poor thing up...

Dego is doing better. He's my sisters horse and he has been sick

and the wood brought home between the weeks... "no basketball till its done!"

Links

i had forgotten my favorite sweater at Spencer's (my boyfriend) house (which was originally his sweater) and he had brought it back to me today. in the pocket there was a glove that matches the other glove that goes with a night light that he had given me and something wrapped in paper. i unwrapped it and voila(!) an old chain. i didn't understand so i emailed Spencer. his reply was;

"Its just a chain to show our links, they are connected."


HOW SWEET IS THAT??? i have the BEST boyfriend ever...

My "hoarder" Boyfriend

while i was helping Spencer (my boyfriend) move to Athol from Sandpoint, i was given a series of items ranging from his grandmothers nightlight that he grew up looking at to a round table that he and his grandpa made. anything that his mother didn't want in their house was offered to me by Spencer. i do think that he will become one of those hoarders and be on that one TV show that shows all these crazy people that sleep on rotten bananas and broken lamps because they cant get rid of anything. though i think that i might be like that also... unless i live by a goodwill and they take everything i have... my room will be immaculately designed and full... with the help of my dearest Spencer:)

New Years Goal (early edition)

i was reminded by a junior today of a man i used to know. he looks like him, he talks like him, and i thought that there was nobody like him... until i came to this school. its weird, you see, because i used to play with this man and his sister at my house, i used to paint with them and jump on the trampoline. but now i don't talk to either of them. because one is dead. Sebastian had committed suicide in the back yard about 4 years ago. nobody knows why. and this junior that reminds me of him looks like him, talks like him, and can even do that certain German accent that Sebastian used to have. i cant imagine why he would have done that. now, when i look at logan (the reminder) i see a smart kid that has his head on tight... but thats what i saw with sebastian also... so my point is, you dont really know when somebody is going to do something like that... so my goal for the new year is to help anybody i can to smile.

fallow up from puppy eyes

annie is doing better. she isnt yelping as much and shes wagging her tail a lot more. i took a piece of pizza to my room to eat and she was all over me, drooling and wagging her tail every time i looked at her. where, 2 nights ago, she wouldnt even open her eyes when i came in the door with a sandwich.

moving too fast

doesnt the title just say it all?

moving too fast in life basically means that im growing up to fast or saying "i love you" when im not even sure i mean it yet. my life cant be slow enough because.

"love isnt about finding someone perfect to marry. love is about seeing through to the truth of a person and accepting all their shades of light and dark. love is an ability"~tempt me at twilight, by lisa kleypas.

puppy eyes

she looked up at me with eyes that begged for the pain to subside. the shaking wouldnt stop and she whimpered all night. im praying (which i never really pray) that its not hip displaysia but i fear it may have happened to my dear sad puppy. annie may, my sweet baby girl, is in pain, laying on my floor shaking and wining. i only have to look into her eyes to see how much pain she is in. i worry about her even now, maybe having to put her down to rid the pain. i dont know what i would do without that cat-mocking dog...

FINALLY!

finally he asks me out... but in a... non romantic way. at lunch, standing by the door, he looked at me briefly ready to say something... then closed his mouth again and looked away. a minute passed and he eventually blurts out 'lets make it official' and i say "sure, i mean yes" i mean how stupid is that???

"darn it, you"

its funny how just a

"darn it, you"

can make my heart swell. no cuss words, just a meaning that only him and i know... the secret language that 2 people can make without even knowing it. it makes me wonder what great things could be accomplished with just a  "darn it, you" and a little giggle. we'll see where it goes eventually but until then, i'm just enjoying being around him, not having to pretend that i'm something i'm not, just smiling and being happy. but only with him do i not have drama, not have to worry about what my dad might think if i'm caught laughing with him in the park. and i especially some have to worry about what he would think if our friendship turned to something more because, this man/boy is a great guy; obedient towards his parents and mindful of the truth. he is one of the strongest men i know, both inside and out. it breaks my heart to hear that people used to tease him because they aren't as tall as him... i know that it gets to him in some ways but for him to not show it... i can hear my heart breaking in 2.

elk camp. part 1; lessons learned

we went to elk camp this weekend, dad, his friend Don, my brother Michael, and me. it was interesting but still kinda boring... we got there Saturday night and set up a quick camp. in the morning we set it up so that the camper was blocking the wind and we could set up the huge tarps above us. but that hasn't gone up yet. we then proceed to cut down trees for wood and stack it in the back of Don's truck (thank god he brought his permit this time). after we got wood we went back to camp and packed up. then my brother says... "lets go for a 4wheeler ride!" and off we go. up and down hills, left and right corners... then we get to a steep hill. i'm on the back of Don's 4wheeler, and he is in a wheel chair (he has been since he was 16). we went up the hill just fine but the road itself was in the shape of a "u". only with less steep sides. so it was a flattened "u". *smiles* Michael and dad are both on their own 4wheeler and they both make it up the side perfectly fine. but me and don... that's another story. we turned to go up and with the extra weight was was on the back (me) and the fact that we were both leaning back... well we fell over backwards. heels over head. Don had managed to push the 4wheeler to the side so it wouldn't crush us but even if it did fall back, the road was curved enough that we would just fall into the nice soft dirt with the 4wheeler over us. dad came running when he heard m squeal. but we were both fine. after Don got back on the 4wheeler, it was a simple matter of turning it so that it was back on all 4 tires. dad, of course, helped with that. i got back on and road back to camp with him. it was an experience that i will never forget, not because it was scary, but because its the lessons learned from the it. for example, even though Don was in a wheel chair, he doesn't know everything about weight and leverage. or at least not as much as we both know now. and then there is next weekend, the weekend before elk season starts. this is going to be fun...